I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
