I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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