Duck Duck Cougar?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
