'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
