I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
