Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The best revenge is premature balding
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
