I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
