You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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