Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize