It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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