he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
