when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
