please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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