Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
