God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
