How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
