I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
