Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
