dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
