My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
