Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
