He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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