hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drake has all the answers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
