I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
