I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have tasted many bathrooms
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
