So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
