oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
