You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
