Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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