sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
