My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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