Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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