Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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