it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
