I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
