I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
