scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
