I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
