The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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