Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
