If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
