at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
