Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
