She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
