The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Actions speak louder than pants.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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