so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
