I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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