I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
