ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
