I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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