she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
