Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
